Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon The Buddhist Mafia is called Karma.
←Rate | 10-02-2015 00:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”
←Rate | 10-02-2015 01:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are smart men, handsome men, rich men, sexy men and sweet men and then there is the combination of all 5 We call that one a "unicorn"
←Rate | 10-02-2015 01:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.
←Rate | 10-02-2015 01:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon [Price Is Right with me in contestants row].. Drew Carey: Sir what is your bid?.. Me: I don't want that.. Drew: Sir you have to bid.. Me: [leans down to mic] No thank you.
←Rate | 10-02-2015 03:19 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon (Calm announcers voice) And Here we see Flavor Flav panicking as he crosses the International Date Line
←Rate | 10-02-2015 03:30 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon at your Fed Ex retirement party you get to find out how many dildos you've delivered
←Rate | 10-02-2015 03:34 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon NASA scientist sees me eating a corn chip I found in my shoe and cancels the program to stop an asteroid hitting the Earth
←Rate | 10-02-2015 03:37 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I tried holding the door open for a woman at the coffee shop this morning but she just kept yelling "close the door, I'm trying to pee in here!!". Some people are so ungrateful
←Rate | 10-02-2015 06:43 by Hillbilly Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never get attached to your coworkers. You might have to throw them at a deranged gunman someday
←Rate | 10-02-2015 12:24 by Dude Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not saying Putin is humiliating president Obama but the last time a Russian treated an African American this way, Apollo Creed died...
←Rate | 10-02-2015 15:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Saving Private Ryan, Interstellar and now The martian. How much money does America have to spend to keep saving Matt Damon's ass?
←Rate | 10-02-2015 23:50 by @firstrax Comments (0)  

   messageicon I give to charity, I don't recycle my aluminum cans and just throw them in the garbage. Not one homeless person in my area.
←Rate | 10-03-2015 01:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My bucket list: ◻️ Beer ◻️ Ice
←Rate | 10-03-2015 01:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon *wakes up from 2 year coma surrounded by friends & family Where's my phone?
←Rate | 10-03-2015 01:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon *First date. Her. "Shall we carve our names onto this tree" Me. "You brought a knife?"
←Rate | 10-03-2015 01:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my girlfriend’s mom who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
←Rate | 10-03-2015 01:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
←Rate | 10-03-2015 01:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember this weekend to help your girl relax by telling her she "needs to relax."
←Rate | 10-03-2015 07:40 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon I cuddle on the first date.
←Rate | 10-03-2015 07:58 Comments (0)  

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