Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Look, all I'm saying is that the dinosaurs didn't drink alcohol and look what happened to them.

   I remember a happier time… Like when I was still sleeping.

   Just heard someone on the porch, hopefully this is just a home invasion and not some unexpected company

   I have no idea when the new Star Wars movie comes out because I have sex.

   If you live in a trailer, you know a guy.

   Could you imagine knowing someone interesting enough to actually want to talk on the phone? Me neither.

   Being in the doghouse isn't so bad if there's enough beer in the bowl.

   Haven't kids learned how fast a picture can travel around the internet by now?

   I jioned weight watchers last month , so far o lost 38 dollars................

   Nuke the Chinese! ...I mean microwave the take out

   Facebook: Where others entertain you with their boredom.

   Only men with beards can truly understand How much a cat or dog loves to have their chin scratched

   I have my Siri set up as a British Male voice so I can pretend I'm Nightrider or make people think I have a Buttler .

   have my Siri set up as a British Male voice so I can pretend I'm Nightrider or make people think I have a Butler .

   Hillary Clinton could sacrifice a newborn baby on live tv and her supporters would say it was taken out of context

   For everyone doing your Facebook "year in review..." No one gives a fu@k

   Han Solo is killed by his son, Kylo Ren. Luke doesn't say anything and has 30 seconds of screentime. Kylo Ren survives the explosion at the end, leaving it set up for him to be the villain in the next movie.

   I ' this close to trade 24 hours without hearing about Star Wars for 24 hours of Adele's ''Hello'' in loop on radio.

   Spoiler alert: Han Solo DIES

   my favorite coffee is made from the shutthehellup bean 😡