Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   hates it when he goes to a Vuvuzela concert and people start playing football...

   Heres a question. If you and your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife switched phones and facebook profile for 24 hrs would you still have a relationship!!!!!

   Just got back from visiting the future, was disapointed you weren't there. Can't go into details, but please stay away from revolving doors, and bean dip.

   Just got a job helping a one arm typist do capital letters. It's shift work.

   Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That's why most of the women put on make up and most of the men lie.

   A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. ‘You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, ‘I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.

   (1)Google Translate (2)Type,"Will Justin Bieber ever hit puberty" (3)Eng 2 Vietnamese (4)Copy/Paste the Vietnamese Words (5)Vietnamese 2 English

   has just read his wife's magazines and there seems to be two topics of major importance to women: .1) Why men are such disgusting pigs and .2) How to attract a man!

   next time someone asks you if you been working hard or hardly working put your hands around their neck, squeeze really tight and say breathing hard or hardly breathing!

   Nice try Folgers... but the best part of waking up is realizing it is your day off and going back to bed.

   I know I'm a few days early but I'll just go ahead and say it, anybody... I mean.. ANYBODY who says "see you next year" on New Years eve to me is getting punched in the face. FYI

   Kim Kardashian is back on the black Market.

   10 million people share the same birthday as you. Your personalized horoscope means sh!t.

   "Bros before hoes" sounds like something a bro without a hoe would say.

   I don't make typos...I make new words

   Every woman is beautiful in her own unique way. Sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.

   My day starts backwards... I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.

   When I die I want to be be reincarnated as a spider. Just so I can finally hear a women say "Oh my God, it's huge!"

   It's depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.

   If I’ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die