Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I sat down next to my wife and said, "You look so cute when you're concentrating." My wife said, "Will you f-ck off while I'm trying to take a sh*t."
←Rate | 01-24-2011 16:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
←Rate | 01-25-2011 13:58 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lawsuit claims Taco Bell tacos only 35% real beef. I think I speak for all of us when I say wow that much?
←Rate | 01-26-2011 15:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon What if they read a list of everything you've ever typed into Google before entering Heaven...
←Rate | 11-23-2010 14:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Realizes that the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back.
←Rate | 12-08-2010 15:09 by Heather25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 100 calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off.
←Rate | 07-16-2010 18:01 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are one of those people on Facebook that does the little "Questions about people?" apps... Before you post one on my wall... Do me a BIG favor... Look in the mirror and hit yourself in the head with a hammer one time for me... Thanks!!! /:)
←Rate | 06-13-2011 13:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Convincing a dog that I really threw the ball is the closest I'll ever get to being a magician.
←Rate | 06-25-2011 12:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For Valentine's day, my husband didn't go to Jared. He went to work. I think that the steady paycheck says "I love you" much better than a shiny rock could.
←Rate | 02-14-2011 20:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding....I'm looking at Hustler and having a beer,
←Rate | 02-25-2011 19:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Random Dude: "Sup bro you think you could piss in this cup in that bathroom for me I gotta pass this drug test. I'll pay you $60" Me: "...ya..." That dudes screwed
←Rate | 02-28-2011 23:36 by SlowMotionNinja Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pandora tells me what music I like, Netflix tells me what movies I like.. Refrigerator: Why are you such a slacker?!"
←Rate | 03-03-2011 18:38 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I fake dumbness just to see how far people will go with their lies.
←Rate | 08-02-2011 02:35 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  


   messageicon dear automatic flushing toilet, I wasnt finished. calm the FUWK down!!!
←Rate | 09-24-2011 02:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Part of me says I can't keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "Don't listen to that guy. He's drunk."
←Rate | 09-10-2010 13:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred...
←Rate | 03-21-2010 14:45 by Samir Momin Comments (5)  


   messageicon 1) Type in google "50 Most Popular Women" 2) Find something with abcnews.com 3) Click on it 4) Look Who has "Nr. 7" position 5) Have a nice laugh)))
←Rate | 01-12-2011 02:06 Comments (10)  


   messageicon When I was little, I used to watch the raindrops roll down the window and see which one "won"
←Rate | 06-20-2011 22:04 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do I still have to go to medical school if I just wanna be the guy who yells "WE'RE LOSING HIM!"?
←Rate | 06-01-2011 11:52 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon worried that my drinking might be affecting my memory. I'm also worried it might be affecting my memory.
←Rate | 04-10-2011 16:41 by Destiny Comments (0)  



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