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   messageicon God grant me the serenity to accept the things Facebook changes, the courage to change the settings I can, and the wisdom to know it won't make a difference.
←Rate | 09-21-2011 12:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend came over and left his laptop on the floor. My mother thought it was a scale. Conclusion: My mother weighs 950 dollars.
←Rate | 03-26-2012 13:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon The corner of my bathtub is also referred to as "The Shampoo Bottle Graveyard"
←Rate | 04-01-2012 22:14 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon 6 of those Extreme Coupon people could fix the entire US Budget.
←Rate | 04-10-2012 08:58 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have no respect for today's gangs! They just drive by and shoot people. At least in the old days, like in ''West Side Story'', the gangs used to dance with eachother first!!
←Rate | 07-06-2012 07:54 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do prostitutes charge per hour? I mean, what are we supposed to do for the other 57 minutes?
←Rate | 11-17-2011 22:36 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon Im gonna laugh when the day comes when our generation is saying "You spoiled little brats! All we had in our day was Xbox's, PS3's, iphones, flat-screen tv's & laptops, you ungrateful little sh!t"
←Rate | 12-19-2011 23:42 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just sent out my daily 6am text to a random number saying "I hit Zack with my truck. I'm going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up."
←Rate | 01-21-2012 14:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just once when they interview a serial killer's neighbor I'd like to hear them say "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me, I told people for years he was gonna do this"
←Rate | 11-04-2011 09:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its a bit awkward when you don't realize how many curse words and sexual innuendos a song has in it until you're in the car listening to it with your parents.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 19:35 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon I won't take a bullet for ANYONE because if I have time to jump in front of a bullet, you have time to move.
←Rate | 06-01-2011 05:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I see an old girlfriend on Facebook and post on her wall, "Great pictures of you and the family!" But what I really want to say is "Remember that time we got drunk and f*cked at that party?
←Rate | 06-08-2011 12:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My last words will be either "I wonder what this does..." or "no, you put YOUR gun down."
←Rate | 08-16-2011 05:46 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Black History Month reminded me that Peanut Butter was invented by a black guy...I Assume "Chunky" was in reference to his White Girlfriend...
←Rate | 02-05-2011 12:07 by greg2missy Comments (0)  


   messageicon On my tombstone I want it to say: "I didn't forward the text message to 15 friends..."
←Rate | 02-15-2011 14:33 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon I spend a lot of time wondering what normal people do in my situations.
←Rate | 02-22-2011 19:33 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I haven't dated Miss Right yet, but I have dated Miss Guided, Miss Directed, Miss Conduct, Miss Fire, Miss Demeanor, & Miss Ellaneous.
←Rate | 04-15-2011 21:34 by Gman Comments (2)  


   messageicon Some 12 year old called my house at 2:45 this morning to ask if I ordered Indian food. I said, "Are you serious? I ordered that 8 hours ago!" He stuttered, apologized, and hung up! Prank Call Reversal!
←Rate | 05-13-2011 11:25 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender" I'll have..........a beer." The bartender says" What's with the huge pause?" The bear shrugs and says "I was born with them".
←Rate | 04-21-2010 17:59 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is a little truth behind every just kidding, a little curiosity behind every just wondering, a little knowledge behind every I dont know, and a little emotion behind every I dont care
←Rate | 05-19-2010 01:20 by illy Comments (0)  



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