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You only get eight or nine chances with me. That's it.
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06-26-2013 09:06
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The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.
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06-28-2013 07:32
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If you leave the sexual innuendo door open even the slightest bit I will come crashing through it like the Kool Aid Man.
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07-08-2013 08:40 by
Baddie
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If those Febreeze commercials with rooms filled with stinking, rotting garbage convince you to buy their product. Here's a heads up for you........ You need to clean your freaking house!!!
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08-01-2013 06:35 by
Depirts
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Looking back, I probably shouldn't have put my neighbors panties in my garage sale...
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08-02-2013 18:13
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You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.
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08-04-2013 17:01
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If you love something let it go. Great, now it's gone. Why did you do that? You loved that thing you idiot.
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08-23-2013 01:27
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If you want the most accurate, real-time weather reports, look out your damn window.
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09-04-2013 23:18 by
Nate
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■Hangovers: because you had so much fun, you deserve to think about it all day.
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10-29-2012 06:11 by
Dropmyname
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Sometimes I drop things and I'm too lazy to pick them up, like pencils, or my hopes and dreams.
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11-09-2012 22:54 by
BEGO
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Kids hate it when they open their new toy only to find out that batteries are not included. So do women.
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11-14-2012 20:49 by
Marshall the Great
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I've reached an age in my life where "you shouldn't say that.." turns into "what the hell, let's see what happens..."
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11-21-2012 13:39 by
JEBI
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I'm high tolerance and low maintenance. What more could you ask for in a girlfriend?
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09-29-2012 08:46 by
Susan
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I hate it when I invite people and they actually show up.
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09-30-2012 08:39
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Playing with my hair will get you anything you want.
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10-02-2012 09:43 by
Susan
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By the time most women are comfortable with their bodies, I'm not.
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10-03-2012 10:20 by
Baddie
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There are the same number of people on Facebook today as there were people in the whole world in 1804
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10-10-2012 22:16 by
BEGO
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What doesnt kill you......seriously disappoints me!
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10-14-2012 17:02 by
jitney
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Women, give them an inch and they'll want all eight.
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10-15-2012 13:05
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All alcohol will make my clothes fall off... tequila just makes that happen in public.
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10-18-2012 13:24 by
Susan
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