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There are kinds of countries. Those that use the metric system, and those that have walked on the moon 
If Hell does exist, there are so many brilliant scientists in there it is probably air-conditioned by now...
hey alcohol is a compound not a solution, guess you should have paid more attention in chemistry clss huh?
whenever I walk onto a room the first thing that comes to my head is "I'm better than everyone in here"
what do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? full
fighting the financial crisis
Women are like computers....... They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you've already got one.
Monica Lewinsky turned 46. Seems like yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees..
"May the LORD, the God of your fathers, increase you a thousand times and bless you as he has promised!" Deuteronomy 1:11
Gay Drive by: They pull up in a pink ford focus, Throw skittles and shout "TASTE THE RAINBOW BIT$H!"
You can take the "trash" out of the trailer, but you can't take the "trailer" out of the trash.
Darth Vader: "Here, I made you some toast." ___Luke: "It's a little on the dark side." ___Vader: ".?." ___Luke: "Lol"___ Vader: "Lol"
and that ladies and gentlemen is why I have never and will never like the Israeli government.
You forcefully uprooted them from their home in Africa to use them as slaves just because you were too lazy to do your own chores. You reap what you sow.
If Hillary was President, Air Force One would be a Broomstick.
The fact that Danica Patrick finished 8th, and is the most talked about driver in the Daytona 500 proves that no one actually cares about this silly non-sport.
wondering if any would notice if I were to put something like... "never on schedule, but always on time."
Religions are authoritarian hierarchies designed to dominate your free will.
I wish I was 50 years younger and I'll kick your Ass! > Larry Merchant to Floyd Gayweather.
I may be fat, but you're ugly – I can lose weight! 