Funny Status Messages

   Do someone a favor and it becomes your job.

   I just looked down at my shoes and one of them is not right.

   On my 8th slice of pizza watching the bigget loser!! Time to make a change!! Where's the remote??

   The difference between a grizzly and a brown bear? Climb a tree. If the bear climbs after you, its a brown bear. If it knocks the tree down, its a grizzly.

   Google Earth: Helping stalkers since 2004.

   ˜Sort of" shouldn't be used in certain phrases. Like after "I love you" or "You're going to live" or "It's a boy."

   It's been announced that Nigeria has 22,980,000 internet users. I've received emails from every single one.

   The best part of being me is that I'm not you...

   used to say that I wanted to make ridiculous amounts of money. I probably should have chosen my words better

   I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.

   when I die, bury me with all my debts and a cell phone so I can haunt them for a change.

   I never make the same mistake twice... I like to fill my day with a wide variety of mistakes from a large number of sources.

   Today is . . . the tomorrow you thought about yesterday.

   If a large box of cereal is considered "Family Size", would a large box of condoms be considered "Prevent a Family" size?

   Promises are like babies: easy to make but hard to deliver.

   thinks you should NEVER look down on someone...unless you have a clear view of cleavage.

   The best feeling in the world is realizing that you're perfectly happy without the thing you thought you needed.

   Sherman...eat a snickers

   It was Judy Garland who went Over the Rainbow you a$$hat!

   You'd think the nerds on The Big Bang could fix that stupid elevator.