Funny Status Messages

   Would delete you, if I didnt have to keep the numbers up on my friends list, to impress my other friends.

   Be normal, and the crowd will accept you. Be deranged, and they will make you their leader

   I have decided that I am not overwieght, instead I am a nutritional overachiever.

   Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.

   Something went wrong. We're working on getting this fixed as soon as we can. You may be able to try again. <--- Facebook's new slogan

   The more you watch Maury the less your kids look like you.

   I'm making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I'm accurate, how do you spell your name again?

   Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2!

   love the scoring system on storage wars..lets see...a broken tricycle, thats $200, used tupperware...$600......

   One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.

   I don't know why beer companies bother with an expiration date... it's never going to make it anywhere near that.

   During the stone age, long before Facebook, man was already experiencing the desire to express on a wall what he had eaten.

   How the heck does one cup of coffee equal one gallon of pee!?!?

   I wonder if the person who invented trail mix actually discovered it when they were cleaning out their car and moved their kids' car seats.

   When you post pictures of yourself flaunting money, I am forced to think you're not used to having it.

   Quick, how do you wrap a broom?

   Dont go broke trying to look RICH....act your wage!

   I'm wearing my pajamas and buying booze at 10 am on a Tuesday…Yeah,,I probably don't need a receipt

   The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.

   boobs are proof that guys can pay attention to two things at once