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If you've never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you've never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch. 
Right now I'm going through a Chex-mix phase, so I guess you can call me "Chexually active".
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? She choked.
In my most shameful moments I use the word "c*cksucker" negatively despite how greatly I enjoy having my c*ck sucked.
If you're a grown ass man, and I can see your gum when you chew it, you get throat punched. Grandma's rules, sorry.
Evil. I see it. I hear it. I speak it. Your reactions are my entertainment.
Ladies: imagine a man who’s rich, handsome, listens well and loves you for who you are. Now keep imagining him, because he’s only imaginary.
I'll bet the YMCA song is really hard to do in Chinese.
So orphans only have 9 commandments to deal with?
They asked me at the hospital to be an organ donor. I didn't have one, but I left them my old guitar... hope it helps.
waking up next to Julie Chen with no make-up makes me want to saw me penis off with a rusty car key
if your still gathering rocks to throw at me,you must have a LOT of rocks and I'm scared.
Nice guys finish.... In the shower
had lent 5000$ to his friend for plastic surgery.....now its hard to recognize him.
wouldn't it be great to be born old and grow to be young???
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
One day three old ladies were sitting on a park bench and this guy jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.The first lady had a stroke, the second one had a stroke, but the third one's arm was too short to reach.
dont take a sleeping pill and a laxative before bed...
snappin necks and cashin checks
off to Mamby Pamby land ya Jackwagon.... 