Joser Funny Status Messages

   drunk dialing but luckily my mom stopped me. Thanks MADD (motha's against drunk dialing)

   When I get to where I'm going, will somebody please tell me where I am?

   There are two kinds of secrets : one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.

   These are my Hammer pants; you can't touch them.

   For sale: Mini large-screen TV. Save space! Only 27"! Also available: giant portable TV. A whopping 27"!

   I just googled cleveland & google said no matches found the city has disappeared

   Wondering if in the future, robots will have a dance called the human.

   Here I sit, all broken hearted. Had to sh*t, but only farted. Till one day, I took a chance. Tried to fart, and sh*t my pants

   I just LeBron Jamesed my pants. Is that a thing yet?

   I'd be lying if I said I didn't like Nickelback. I'd also be lying if I said I'd be lying if said I didn't like Nickelback.

   I've lost most of my hearing, but it's okay because it turns out the only thing people say to me is "nothing, nevermind."

   soo The Humane Society says donations can help homeless animals, but I find it's easier to just give a couple bucks to every stray cat I see...

   Just once I'd like to go into a bar bathroom and under the "For a good time call-" written under it: B- ..4 out of 5 stars, would call again

   Will too much skin lightening cream turn you invisible?

   I've missed you guys like a retard misses the point.

   Some people have food in their teeth because no one likes them enough to mention it. This serves as an early warning system for @ssholes.

   scouring youtube for the naked videos that somehow make it through.

   Blind people must get stuck in bad relationships because they can't see other people.

   In my office there's a light switch that doesn't do anything... Every so often, I turn it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "Stop that!"

   I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women h