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I was outback chopping ome wood with my ''ask'' and this woman walked up and ''axed'' me a question!!! 
The people who deserve to live the best of life are the exact same ones living the worst of it.
The lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying
"Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts."
I bet koala farts smell like cough drops.
I do great farts when I pull myself up in the bathtub.......... Do your stuff, eHarmony
I don't know much about fashion,, So can I assume a leotard is an idiot born between July 23 & August 22.
I am Filthy Stinking Rich... Well, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad.
You know there's an easy way to deal with cyber-bullies: Turn off the computer and go crush his hands with a meat mallet.
Les Miserables is French for "It's two and a half hours"
You can't beat a beautiful woman who sings, well, uh, unless you're Chris Brown
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD Bin at Walmart.
Love is such a strong word But then again, so is C*NT
Dallas Cowboys drafted one of the Duck Dynasty Brothers
Snooki sugned a deal to sell her own perfume. I'm totally gonna buy it because I want to smell like Jager and illiteracy.
My favorite machine at the gym is the exit door.
My favorite Easter tradition is when Uncle Gary starts giving everyone Stone Cold Stunners a half hour after the deviled eggs are gone.
Attention, stoners: No, you don't qualify for medical marijuana just because you smoked a blunt and beat your roommates in Operation.
hates people who take drugs....customs for example
I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 10. I hope it's thinking about me too. 