BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Hey Facebook, I really don't care that somebody commented on a post that I commented on seven days ago.

   The closest friends are the ones that know too much.

   Nothing like sitting back and watching the people who stabbed you in the back fall apart.

   I have a lot of friends practicing law without a degree. They all want to judge me.

   I hope popcorn appreciates what the microwave did for its career.

   I can party much longer than my cell phone battery.

   If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people work out and absorb the benefits for myself.

   How are you feeling today? Like a tampon. In a good place... At the wrong time.

   Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world

   Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets.

   i don’t understand why people need to do drugs or party in order to have fun, have you tried mac n cheese

   That moment when you are so drunk that you swerve to miss a tree but then you realize its just an air freshener hanging in your car.

   "Please don't put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby

   People dont even say grace before meals anymore . They just hold their phone over the plate, snap a picture, & then upload it to instagram .

   I guess it's "No Pull Out" season. Almost every chick on Facebook is pregnant.

   My girlfriend just said that I put sports before our relationship. Bull$hit. It’s our sixth season together.

   Back in my day we also drank underage, we just weren't stupid enough to take photos of our illegal actions and then display them for all to see..

   Dear those people who use their cellphones as a personal stereo in public, stop it. Sincerely, Everybody

   If the government fails to raise the debt ceiling and stops paying their bills, I will stop paying mine, fair is fair

   I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. Dont be silly, she replied. Borrow my iPad. That spider never knew what f$$ing hit it.