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Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage. 
We crush the caterpillars,,, then complain there are no butterflies.
This whole pumpkin pie is not only delicious..... It also contains nearly 50% of my Thanksgiving Day requirement of pumpkin pie..
Why couldn't it have been Paul Wall? No one wants to see HIS grill.
i just worked out. well, I just did push ups. well, 1 push up. well, I tripped and got back up. well, I'm actually still laying here. *takes a nap*
Oops, It slipped, wrong hole! But since I'm already here..... - MEN
I couldn't afford to visit the zoo, so I went to the trailer park instead.
Alcoholism is a progressive degenerative disease, or in lamens terms, "the afteraffect of marriage."
went in to Zoomers tonight for a pack of gum and the clerk asked if I had gas? I told her I did earlier but I was feeling fine now. Some people do not have a sense of humor
Here's a little bit of good news. The Coast Guard says that BP is now catching up to 630,000 gallons of oil a day. The bad news is that they're capturing it with ducks.
There's love in the air...I'm wearing a gas mask
Unfortunately, there is no vaccine against stupidity...
No outfit is complete without a few dog hairs :)
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
For Sale: Lots of snow, you Haul!!!
What do you mean life is to short?... Its the longest bloody thing you could ever go through!
They say that three out of four Americans have a mental illness of some kind. Look at three of your friends. If they seem okay,then you're that person.
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same
for people who think an invisible object cant kill you try hitting and invisible block on mario bros
When people I don't know ask me what I do for a living I shout "Karma," and punch them before running away. 