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Some day's should come with a warning label: Today's gonna suck, so bring alcohol.
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01-31-2012 14:59 by
Missy
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I haven't showered today and can smell yesterday on me. But I kicked ass yesterday. So I might just ride this smell out.
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02-04-2012 10:46 by
SuthernFukr
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Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back...
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02-05-2012 21:26 by
XX-FOXY
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You know you're really awesome at telling a story when strangers near you start wandering closer to listen.
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02-08-2012 19:34 by
snott
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Men go through 3 stages in life: Drinking from boobs, staring at boobs, and growing boobs.
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02-11-2012 20:18
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IN OTHER NEWS: A picture of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone next to each other in the hospital bed, side by side for shoulder surgeries, was taken this week. Can you imagine listening and trying to understand that conversation?
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02-12-2012 00:34 by
jitney
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When a girl is in love, she offers sex. when a guy wants sex, he offers love.
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02-28-2012 23:55 by
canadian25
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No matter what amazing things you accomplish or how fantastic you are, a cat will always think it is better than you.
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03-02-2012 05:14 by
flinnie
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You know you need sleep when you feel drunk without having actually had any alcohol.
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10-16-2011 00:06 by
g0re
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Dear clever comeback, can you come BEFORE the argument is over. Thanks!
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10-18-2011 09:39 by
SuthernFukr
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“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.” ― Rodney Dangerfield
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10-25-2011 16:02 by
Muzammil
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People always say that alcohol kills... but if you think about it .... it causes many births too.
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10-27-2011 13:59
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Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you're hot.
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11-07-2011 18:31 by
g0re
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The embarrassing moment when you accept a compliment that wasn't meant for you.
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11-14-2011 05:26 by
Czovczov
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I thought Angry Birds was what I get from other drivers.
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06-14-2012 16:48 by
Aaron
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Does not surprise me that those people abducted by aliens all get brought back.
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06-18-2012 12:03
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Something tells me that girl with the word "Princess" tattooed on her neck isn't really Royalty.
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06-28-2012 13:53
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Come on, who are you going to believe? Me or the background check.
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07-02-2012 07:38
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My girlfriend told me that I'm starting to annoy her because I relate EVERYTHING to batman.....What a Joker....
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07-11-2012 02:53
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I don't always think I'm right....but whenever I think I'm wrong I tend to be mistaken.
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07-11-2012 22:08
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