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You're 14 and quitting smoking? How Inspiring.
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03-28-2012 15:32
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After reading your recent updates, I'm surprised that Facebook hasn't yet asked you, "Whatever's on your mind, could you keep it to yourself?"
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03-28-2012 21:04 by
Marshall the Great
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Oh is it really raining outside? Please post a status update for all of us with no windows.
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04-01-2012 10:00 by
Baddie
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Either I've reached the age when my eyebrows have developed a mind of their own, or I'm slowly turning into a werewolf.
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04-02-2012 10:57
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Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with Facebook.
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04-04-2012 13:41 by
Kisstopher
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On my way to the kid's school... apparently, a nicotine patch is not an appropriate substitute for a band-aid.
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04-13-2012 23:14 by
~heZz~
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I hate it when I hold back on saying something during a conversation because I know it will offend people, and then I see the look on everyone's face and realize I've already said it.
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04-15-2012 19:12 by
Marshall the Great
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"You actually have friends?" ... "Yeah, all 10 seasons on DVD!"
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01-19-2012 06:15 by
g0re
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Facebook needs a “Drama of the day” section in my news feed.
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01-23-2012 10:24 by
BEGO
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Sometimes I read status updates on Facebook and wonder “How am I friends with them?”
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11-17-2011 11:44 by
BEKO
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I wish I loved something as much as I hate almost everything.
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11-21-2011 13:43
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"And the rest is history." -Lazy history teacher
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11-22-2011 19:04
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wow... I think easter is a few weeks away... calm down walmart...
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11-26-2011 23:35
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Sometimes love is like having one too many drinks....you feel so good that you don't notice you're making a fool of yourself.
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04-27-2012 21:36 by
BEGO
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If the minimum wage is good enough for all Americans, then that's how much Congress should make as well.
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04-30-2012 13:54
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Best friends have Conversations impossible to understand by other people…
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05-23-2012 22:00 by
BEGO
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No one's lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
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05-24-2012 15:30
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Money :::: humans are the only species that have to pay to live on earth..
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05-25-2012 13:10
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I'm back in the HR office today, apparently "Kill myself" was not an appropriate response when by boss asked me, "What would you do if you were me?"
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05-25-2012 15:26 by
Marshall the Great
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Don't be sad because someone gave up on you. Feel sorry for them because they gave up on someone who would never give up on them.
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05-25-2012 22:00 by
BEGO
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