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Sometimes I'll just go through the internet "liking" sh*t and I don't always really mean it. 
China has won 16 medals so far in the following sports... Ping pong, trampoline, and badminton. I'm not complaining, just wondering why there's no sports like bowling, dodgeball or beer pong?
Knowing your family so well that you can tell who's coming down the stairs and walking through the house just by the sound of their footsteps.
Irony: Speed Dating at a Star Trek convention with the disclaimer “No Weirdos” on your profile
Tony Abbott as self appointed Minister for Women's Affairs? “I felt a great disturbance in the Force; as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced”.
With names like "Batman" and "Robin", you'd think they could fly...
Can't the gov't just call in Jon Taffer and do this shutdown thing right?
You can really see how much Americans care about their government when they are more worried about GTA Online's current shutdown instead.
Two difference between humans and animals: the power of talking and lying.
Love you unconditionally? Hmmm, no I have some conditions.
Gender equality? Men don’t have that thing in women’s brains that makes them voluntarily do all household chores when they’re angry.
Before you diagnose yourself with anxiety, first make sure that's not only a realistic fear of surrounded by a$$hole harasser stalkers.
Ladies Does your man tune you out? Tell him you're a week late, he'll listen to everything you have to say.
Doing my part for National Prescription Drug Take-Back Day on Saturday, October 26, 2013, just bring your pain meds, etc. by my house and I will make sure they are returned. Note: currently not accepting laxatives.
Why do we have silencers for guns but not for boxes of movie theater candy?
Life stopped handing us lemons and started giving us reasons to drink instead
"Let me make your morning" - coffee
I accidentally shot my wife on a hunting trip because I mistook her for a deer in an orange vest drinking a Diet Coke.
Just because I reported several women to HR for not washing their hands after using the rest room doesn't mean the camera they found is mine
I don't want to rescue pets, farm, pop bubbles, or crush candy... 