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Confuius said "Never check the depth of water with both feet." 
Trick your friends into thinking you are a professional tennis player By wiping your face with a towel every 30 seconds And throwing it at a child.
Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors..
Anyone want some staples? Hold your hands out!..[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[....enough?
Straight guy definitely understand consent when a gay guy tries to touch him.
My wife texted me a selfie and asked if her dress made her look fat, I sai Noo it was autocorrected to Moo... I need help!
I went to Disneyland once. It seemed like kind of a Mickey Mouse operation.
There are some words you can't just take back, no matter how sorry you say you are.
Some one really need to teach Facebook people the concept behind the saying, "If its not broken, don't fix it". The new NEWSFEED is just hideous. And now I cant filter sh!t that I hate.
As a comedian, people don't care about you until you speak, then they like you. As a model it's the opposite.
I'm trying not to judge, but your silver front teeth scream "Medi-Cal".
I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
Actually, officer,,, I prefer to think that PBR smells like me.
I think I should tell you what people are saying behind your back.……. Nice Ass!!
They don't want to learn they just want to be right!
im tired of arguing with myself.. I wish I would just stfu and mind my own business..
I think everything my children have said for the past 48 hours has been in the form of a question. I'm living in Alex Trebek's nightmare.
Fortunately women have the miraculous ability to change the meaning of their actions after the event.
I wish the cast of Jersey Shore had to compete in the Hunger Games.
The best place to hide a dead body is page 2 of Google search results. 