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Usually hates it when people post pictures of their lunch on Facebook, but my Asian friends picture of his puppy was just too cute. 
my money is on the Kenyan Cardinal in the Pope race!!
I always tell people how fat I am. Then they tell me I'm not and I feel better about myself. - MOST WOMEN
I like to draw graffiti on highway overpasses. Things like "clearance 40 feet".
Maybe we should just crop dust North Korea with Chronic Smoke! Just calm that whole area down a bit! I'm sure Colorado could support the mission......
I celebrate payday by pouring Gatorade on my bank teller.
Hey all you Candy Crush players, oh please add me and I will send a virus to take out your addiction, oops I mean, codes I'll send you codes....
Maybe nobody loves you because you're boring and needy. Calm down, I said maybe.
Late every Sunday night, all other the stores in the mall go and tell Radio Shack not to worry about what other people think, they still love him
THE POWER OF THE WINKY FACE: We need whipped cream. We need whipped cream ;)
Here's a crazy concept, maybe I'm not in a bad mood, angry, or a douchebag. Maybe I said it because it's true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
Meatless lasagna goes real well with a double cheeseburger.
If you're going to be stupid, don't do it on Facebook.
Right hand green, Left foot blue, Left hand red. RIP Chuck Foley. The inventer of TWISTER
The fishin was so bad the mosquitos weren't even biting
Hey douche, how about I chop off your hands so you can really make the most out of your bluetooth headset?
Don't litter your chaos and drama all over other people's lives.
You may think it's bad grammar but I assure you it's just laziness.
I hate when I wake up alone, naked with a kitty stamp in my hand.
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don't really understand kites or insults. 