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I really thought my business as a professional cat fight promoter would've taken off by now. Maybe I should use women instead of actual cats… 
Saw a middle-eastern friend shaking a carpet on 6th floor balcony. I called out "what's wrong ahmed, won't it start."
If Hillary becomes president she will be the first F President. Oh, sorry. I was going to say female, but the "emale" got deleted.
Gadaffi will take many secrets to his grave: dirt he had on Bush; dirt he had on Blair, but also how to spell his name correctly.....
Some people on Facebook always post funny stuff.. Some people always post lovey dovey stuff.. And Some people posts.. Just make you wana scream..STFU Already!
I'm about to get in the middle of some girl-on-girl action with Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Butterworth.
One of my family members has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer's if only I could remember which one!!
Before looking for intelligent life on planets found in other solar systems, maybe we should look for it on our own planet..
Hey I found your nose, it was in my business again..
I bet the minivan industry hates the condom industry.
If Its Not on the first Search Page of Google, It doesn't Exist .
facebook..... its like The Hotel California... You can check in at any time... But you can't never leave!!!
Wishes my lovehandles would love somebody else!
No doesn't mean no. No means work on the neck, the nipples try back in five minutes.-Daniel Tosh
Roses are red; foxes are clever. I love your butt; let me touch it forever.
I washed my hands of OCD...... Again.
Steel toe boots: Check! Flack jacket: Check! Metal baton: Check! Helmet with face shield: Check! OK....I think I am ready to go to the grocery store now and shop for the Thanksgiving meal. :)
It's that time of year again where commercials remind me that I will probably never get a car with a bow on it
Whenever there's a ping pong compatition on tv I secretely hope Tom Hanks shows up, paddle in hand, and just destroys everyone.
Patriots by 7. This is my pick for the Superbowl. And for any future U.S. revolutionary wars. 