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I thought when people lie to me their pants were supposed to catch on fire. Turns out that's a lie also. Trust no one.
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05-05-2012 05:05 by
flinnie
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I need to do laundry so bad I'm actually wearing Christmas stockings
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04-21-2012 05:41 by
flinnie
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I was standing in front of the mirror eariler, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge. :(
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12-31-2011 17:49
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How come when people fill out applications, under "Emergency Contact," nobody ever puts "911"?
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10-17-2011 22:34 by
Daheavy1
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Here is a quick math lesson for NBA players...50% of $1 billion is a lot more than 52% of nothing!
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11-08-2011 19:29
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Everybody deserves second chances, but not for the same mistakes.
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11-14-2011 18:52 by
Marshall the Great
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Whoever said Diamond are a girls best friend........Obviously never bought one a detachable showerhead.
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06-05-2012 14:01 by
Marshall the Great
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It's so hot outside! I've been out here 10 minutes and I'm already wetter then Kim Kardashian at the BET Awards.
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07-05-2012 11:05
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""When people cut you down. Or talk behind your back. remember they took time out of their pathetic lives, To think about you.""
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02-02-2012 22:21 by
BEGO
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My wax museum is going to start small by focusing on famous people who look like candles.
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02-10-2012 10:21 by
SuthernFukr
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There's now a Taco Bell taco with a shell made out of Doritos?,, Hmmm, It seems that our junk foods have started hunting each other.
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03-12-2012 17:11 by
snotty
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Dear Life, I have a complete grasp on the fact that you are not fair... so please quit teaching me that lesson.
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03-26-2012 13:20 by
Marshall the Great
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I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet.
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03-29-2012 21:58 by
BEGO
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Oh, you love your boyfriend? Please, go ahead and saturate my Facebook news feed with your feelings.
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04-15-2012 13:41
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My boss questioned my enthusiasm today. I can't believe he woke me up just to tell me that.
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10-26-2010 12:11 by
lemonpillow
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I have ADHD. It's like ADD except the picture quality is phenomenal."
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11-18-2010 14:22 by
Dylan Bosch
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NOTE TO SELF: Please stop writing yourself notes. Love, Self
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11-30-2010 12:00 by
VictorA
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I really hope that my last words in this world are: "I wonder what this does..."
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09-22-2010 16:26 by
badd status
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Chances are if you're using a pay phone, sh*t's not going well.
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09-23-2010 18:40 by
badd status
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God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts...
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09-29-2010 07:10
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