Funny Status Messages

   Saying “I forgive you” is the kindest way to tell someone: “I still think it's your fault.”

   I still lie to my parents about drinking. I'm in my 30s.

   Facebook asks me what I'm thinking... Twitter asks what I'm doing... 4Square asks where I am. Conclusion: The internet is my girlfriend.

   You can't run from your problems forever. Eventually, you'll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.

   it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson's by 2011?

   Did you know 25% of car accidents in canada involve a moose.I say we don't let them drive

   Friends don't tag friends in hideous Facebook pictures.

   Thanks, confirmation email telling me I've successfully unsubscribed from your emails. You just had to win didn't you?

   If people insist on acting like an idiot, I must insist on treating them like one.

   Next time the bank calls me to tell me I'm overdrawn, I'm gonna tell them, "We are aware of the situation and are working to repair it."

   You can almost pass a lie detector test if you answer every question with "go fish."

   i dont have trust issues, I just know people who have lying issues

   If I had a penny for every time I thought of you.... I'd have a penny.

   The only thing left for me to do is to walk on water, and even at that some people would snicker and say, 'What, you can't swim?"

   I'd probably get a lot more done if it wasn't for me.

   Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!

   I miss the old time movie stars. You know, the ones that wore clothes and had talent?

   How to reduce your chances of getting shot by police? Don't make any sudden moves. If you have a weapon in your hand drop it. If commanded to do something by the officer do it.

   My girlfriend said she wanted me to be more like her Ex. So I dumped her.

   if 10% is good enough for God is should definitely be good enough for the IRS!