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Scheming and presenting an outward appearance of good while concealing its opposite...... The sign of the hypocrite. 
The playground for success is a mere paradox to the reality in which we live
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
going to give you a super poke! Now my finger hurts, thanks!
pɐǝɥ ʎɯ oʇ ƃuıuunɹ sı poolq ʎɯ ɟo llɐ
had fun before. This isn't it!
The FIA are constantly looking for ways to slow down modern Formula 1 cars, why haven't they tried wrapping hair and fluff around the rear wheel axles? It used to work on my Scalextric
now regrets his attempt to see how many bananas he could eat in 10 mins
I'm all for abstinence to prevent teen pregnancies and all...But I really do believe that if I would've gotten laid when I was in High School my grades would've been alot better.
So facebook is down for a few hours. I bet this will be the most productive business day in years.
last year I got a sweater this year I want a moaner
Some call it 'bitching'... I like to call it 'mood'ivational speaking...
Me: Hold still,,, All I'm trying to do is wipe your nose.... Toddler: *dodges the tissue like she's in the Matrix*
When I was a child I thought nap time was punishment .... NOW I consider it a mini vacation.
Apparently,,,, The first rule of Fight Club is to get caught looking at another woman.
My signature move is to bottle up my feelings over time and then combust over some small issue and get accused of being a psycho.
where's the CTRL, ALT and DELETE buttons on life?
The lesson of Halloween is that pretending to be something you're not will lead to a sweet reward.
TIP: Make sure the other person has their hand up before you attempt a fist bump.
Yesterday at the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History Security was all over the area... They patted me up and down a couple of times... They frisked me, I was even groped. Then I got back in line. 