Funny Status Messages

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
Page: 291 of 5593

   messageicon If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your ass.
←Rate | 03-28-2012 21:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
←Rate | 04-14-2012 19:34 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm pretty sure if dogs could talk their most common phrase would be “Are you going to eat that?”
←Rate | 02-19-2012 20:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I spent most of my childhood terrified that the rhythm was going to get me.
←Rate | 05-13-2012 08:38 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Due to the Global Financial Crisis, Ke$ha will now be known as Ke¢ha.
←Rate | 11-23-2011 22:56 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon What did one ocean say to the other ocean?...Nothing they just waved...Do you SEA what I did there?...I'm SHORE you did, BEACH.
←Rate | 12-17-2011 18:57 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now that healthcare is guaranteed, I'm frying everything I eat.
←Rate | 06-29-2012 14:20 by jrbirk Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stared at the moon for an hour before I realized it was a toenail clipping that had stuck to the window.
←Rate | 07-07-2012 06:04 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I avoid eye contact with myself in the mirror. I know too much about me.
←Rate | 01-25-2012 11:24 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon can never enjoy Sundays, because in the back of my mind I know I have work the next day. It's like trying to enjoy your last meal before execution.
←Rate | 10-02-2010 22:58 by Kelevra Comments (1)  


   messageicon She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."
←Rate | 07-29-2010 19:40 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon The latest income-tax form has been greatly simplified. It consists of only three parts: (1) How much did you make last year? (2) How much have you got left? (3) Send amount listed in part 2.
←Rate | 04-15-2010 07:18 by Samuel Warren Comments (0)  


   messageicon will never wear a red shirt at target again.
←Rate | 05-07-2010 13:47 by @Tahirjahi Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best part about living in a small town is when I don't know what i'm doing,someone else does.
←Rate | 02-03-2010 02:05 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon 500 years ago when men went to war it was common for them to force their wives to wear chastity belts while they were away.Therfore only a locksmith could remove these chastity belts. This explains why 'Smith' is the most common name in the phonebook...
←Rate | 03-27-2010 13:36 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon A horse told me not to drive home last night.I think there was a cop on top of it.
←Rate | 04-02-2010 13:13 by Vito Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the begining all you need is a diamond and a heart, by the end you wish you had a F'n club and a spade
←Rate | 11-05-2010 00:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know when you need a vacation when you start pretending the shower head is a waterfall!! ; /
←Rate | 11-29-2010 11:05 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Nothing says "I'm behind on child support." like 26" spinning rims on an 86 Chevy Malibu.
←Rate | 08-23-2014 09:43 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Be careful, Loneliness is dangerous. It's addicting . Once you see how peaceful it is, you don't wanna deal with people ever again.
←Rate | 04-10-2015 03:32 Comments (1)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left