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Sometimes I can't tell if I'm being funny or if I'm just unbelievably depressed 
What do I do? My google machine just rang.
I just walked into a spider web and now I know all of Katy Perry's dance moves.
Today is the day that the Blues was made for. Thank you B.B. (Blues Boy) King for everything.
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps
I would like to see real peace and a state of Israel living peacefully alongside a state of Palestine.
I'm in a weird place mentally. And physically. And geographically
I bet Hell has the same toilet paper as airports.
Whoever named pterodactyls is pterrible at naming things
All the celebrities have released their own fragrance so I decided to release mine too...now the wife is disgusted with me again.
Oh yeah!! Well, if smoking weed destroys your short-term memory, then what does smoking weed do?
It really does show how far we've come when you no longer need to wear a scarf to fly a plane.
I'll believe the President cares about net neutrality when he tells us if we like our internet provider, we can keep it.
Yesterday someone gave me a piece of "humble pie''.....Mine tastes better.
Happy March 14, Steak and BJ day. Thanks Tom Birdsey!!!
I come up with the best ideas when sitting on the toilet then forget them after the flush.
In other news, 科 研成果 迅速 转化为生产力 是这个特!
Pouring out a jar of marshmallow fluff. For my Peeps.
Whoever decided this Halloween candy is the "fun" size is not someone I care to party with.
I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth. 