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I'm pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and i'll let you know.
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01-23-2010 17:29 by
Lemonpillow
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I love updating my Facebook status while crossing the stre
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12-10-2011 12:11
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I didn't call you crazy. All I said was, "you look like you might own 400 cats"
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07-05-2010 13:41 by
Joser
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You know that button in the elevator with the fireman's hat on it... turns out that is not the button you push if you want a fireman's hat.
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01-31-2011 12:08 by
@The69Sheriff
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Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
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03-02-2013 07:30
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I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it...
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03-24-2010 18:18 by
Samir Momin
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Dear Mr underccover police car, I like your 5 extra antennas...
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05-13-2010 20:40 by
Senor Frog
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1
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learned a lot about relationships from Super Mario Bros.....sometimes, You have to pound a few Dragons to get to the Princess
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07-30-2009 16:09 by
Vitamin N
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When I have children I'm going to make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that
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09-18-2011 15:26 by
Mudda
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If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember... you can always change your birthday on Facebook
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01-07-2011 22:35 by
Dany6814
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I got a mosquito bite last night... Bet that little guy is pretty hungover today.
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06-26-2010 12:28 by
Marshall the Great
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Never say "maybe" to a kid. All they hear is "I swear on my life that this will definitely happen."
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03-31-2010 14:50
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It's funny how fast you can wake up when you realize you've overslept.
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04-04-2010 20:22
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So I met this prostitute who said she'd do anything for $10. Guess who got his car washed?
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10-21-2011 01:49 by
KISSTOPHER
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Lazy Rule #19401957294710149: you're so lazy you didn't even finish reading the number.
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06-12-2011 23:12 by
BEGO
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There is nothing worse than a broke ass high maintenance woman.
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08-29-2012 10:31
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If a car in front of me is driving slow, I move to the side a little so the cars behind me can see I'm not causing the traffic
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08-21-2012 23:42 by
fadolo
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My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That's not my waiter
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03-26-2013 21:58 by
snotty
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Always remember that no matter how bad you are, you are not totally useless, you can still be used as a bad example.
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12-17-2010 20:26 by
VisHaL
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Crazy? I was crazy once. My parents locked me in a round room and told me to sit in the corner. Corner? I couldn't find a corner! That bugged me. Bugs? I hate bugs. They drive me crazy! Crazy? I was crazy once...
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12-23-2010 20:36 by
Esoteric
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