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Kanye's kid is gonna have a hard time understanding GPS instructions. GPS: "Turn North West." North West: "Yeah, but which way do I turn?" 
White = psycho. Black = thug. Arab = terrorist. Humans = idiots.
I'm still kinda pi'ssed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
Sence its started raining, all my wife has done is looking through the windows. If it gets any worse I'm gonna have to let her in!
It's Valentine's Day... If you arer married, go and kiss your wife or husband, if you have a girlfriend/boyfriend, do the same... and if you are single, kiss the ground and thank GOD!!! =)) HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY
Guys, don't hit your woman! Bottle that $hit up inside like a real man!!
We put a man on the moon, but we don't have roll down windows in the back of minivans yet??
Civilization is the process of setting man free from men.
So, I hear there was a big party last night to watch Justin Bieber's balls drop.
I don't mean to brag... but I'm a pretty damn formidable peek-a-boo opponent
I wasn't born to kiss anyone's ass. If you want someone to obey and follow you, you should probably get a dog.
Quick someone get Ray Lewis's fingerprints off of that trophy, just in case...
Whenever I meet a new girl, I introduce myself by shaking hands with my left hand. I don't want her to meet her competition right away
missed my bed....and by missed I mean turning the lights off jump on my bed and landing on the floor
I always eat tacos over a tortilla, so when stuff falls out BOOM extra taco.
I'm going to take a picture of my middle finger and have copies passed out at my funeral as a last Screw you.
It Is Better To Go Skiing And Think Of God,Than Go To Church And Think Of Skiing
You know what will be funny....If an illegal alien was thePowerball winner in Arizona
We all hate things in others which is already in us.
It doesn't matter how many times you throw up, what matters is how many times you get up, grab your glass and keep drinking. 