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Just because she weighed as much as TWO women...doesn't mean you had a threesome 
Don't you hate when you read all the long post and can't find in funny? What a waste of time...
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police!
I'm so out of shape, I threw my back out taking a poop!
I got an e-mail saying 'At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!' I thought "That's just spam."
75% of my regrets involve hitting "send."
My six year old nephew asked what he should say if a bully said to give him his lunch money. I said tell him you left it on his moms nightstand.
The more complicated the coffee order the more complicated the person.
When Jennifer Aniston cuts her hair, it makes headlines on CNN. When I cut my hair, my wife tells me to stop trimming my balls over the sink
I like my wine like I like my men, inside me.
I would like to tell you a joke about covid but 99% of you won’t get it......
If you like your own status, you should take your own hand and punch you in your face.
Did I already post my Alzheimer update?
Racism is for lazy people who don't take the time to learn enough about someone to dislike them for a much better reason.
Getting a face tattoo in college is like majoring in unemployment.
I think it's impossible to play the Wii without looking like you're competing in a relay race for the Special Olympics.
You know you're good at Threesomes when you get both women pregnant.
Remember: "I" before "E," except in Budweiser.
women dont fart until they get married
If I had a nickel for every time I've misplaced my keys, there'd be a jarful of money I would also have to look for. 