Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
If cocaine were legal, would they sell it in little packages like Sweet N' Low? Would they call it Sweet N' High? 
on Team Conan.
doesn't want you to be upset that I want to punch you in the face, be flattered that I want to touch you at all.
Rejection doesn't hurt, expectation does. Lie doesn't kill, denial does. "Forget" doesn't heal, "forgive" does.
Justin Bieber nominated 4 two Grammys? Well, you go girl.
RIP Jack LaLanne: Will he be buried, cremated or juiced?
These ‘energy saving' light-bulbs are rubbish. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
Through technical scientific research, I have discovered a direct correlation between the size of a woman's breasts and how mentally unstable she is. The bigger the boobs, the bigger the crazy.
I programmed my GPS voice to AC/DC. Now every morning on my way to work it tells me I'm on the Hightway To He!!
Have you ever seen a girl so ugly you kept expecting "In The Arms Of The Angels" to start playing?
Lord, I did as you asked and loved my neighbor. But now her husband is outside with a gun and… OMG NO STEVE I WAS DOING THE LORD'S WORK!!!
I want to write "I miss you" on a rock and throw it at your face so that you'll know how much it hurts to miss you.
Almost as offensive as priests molesting kids, is that parents still leave their kids alone with priests.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason give them one.
How much for the horse tornado?..... Sir, That's a carousel..... Hmmm, I must have it.
Well,, If you're gonna be "Polically Correct" about the Pledge of Alliegance... You might as well be 'Geo-Politically correct" and change the Pledge to " One Nation,, under Canada"
I don't want to brag, but I'm pretty confident I could win a spelling be.
sorry babe, I'm not lighting candles to be romantic.......lighting candles cause I just took a dump
wondering why so many people spend money they don't have to buy stuff they don't need to impress people they don't like !
Please put this on your status if you know someone or are related to someone who suffers from stupidity. People need to understand that stupidity is real & should be taken seriously. You could be sitting next to a sufferer right now. 