Funny Status Messages

   "Page 404 Not Found" I wasn't even looking for page 404.

   Gas prices are about $3.95 a gallon and females still think guys are coming over to just "CHILL"

   Sometimes it's better to react with no reaction.

   Just place a STUDENT DRIVER sticker on top of your car, and suddenly no one suspects you of drunk driving at 8am.

   Newton's laws say that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, proving he knew nothing about women.

   I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.

   There is a big difference between "friend" and "facebook friend"

   So have they made a drink called Tequila Mockingbird yet? What the hell are they waiting for???

   I'm thinking of changing my voicemail to the following: "If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me."

   I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie

   It's claimed Macaulay Culkin's health problems are linked to a difficult childhood. No sh1t. His parents forgot to take him on holiday 4 times.

   If video games make you violent, does monopoly make you a millionaire?

   febreeze- because your house smells like weed and your parents will be home any minute.

   They should invent an alarm clock that if you hit the snooze button more than 3 times it automatically calls in sick for you.

   Marriage is a workshop.........The husband works & The wife shops

   Taco Bell is donating burritos to feed firefighters in Colorado. Talk about putting gas on the fire,

   Never buy a car you can't push.

   I was on a plane the other day and when it landed, the pilot said, "Those of you needing wheelchair assistance, please remain seated." I don't think they had much of a choice.

   "Characters did not match verification code. Please try again." Of course it didn't. You gave me 3 squiggle things, a backwards P and an upside down 4.

   I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.