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I wonder what a camel thinks of when he looks at his toe... 
Smog from wildfires are creating health concerns for resedents in Moscow. More importantly, it's making it difficult for Sarah Palin to see it from her house.
Sometimes I'll text random numbers with things like "Have you ever taken a poop so good it gave you goosebumps?"
- Q: What did King Kong say to Rosie O'Donnell? A: "Is it in?"
If you need space then work at NASA.
doesn't have a girlfriend, but he does know a woman who'd be mad at him for saying that.
Why does all the crime and unemployment target the blue states??
NFL= NOT FOR LONG
n't it odd that people will fight for toilet paper but not for their freedom?
I can't wait to embark on this wonderfully mysterious, enchantingly romantic journey with you. The entire trip. All the way from, "Hello".....to...... "WTF JUDGE! THE HOUSE, THE CAR, AND PERMANENT ALIMONY TOO????"
Hey east coast, California speaking. Hope you enjoyed our earthquakes:)
I better get to sleep. I have to get up early to call in sick to work..
To all the women I've loved before, I have found someone better.
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I'm clean
Dear Santa... In reguards to my wish list last year, I wrote to you asking, "sex, for a change" Not "for a sex change"... Please fix this
"Imma let you finish, Lamar, but Whitney Houston had the best naked on cocaine death ever". - Kanye West
I find it quite ironic that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it.
At my job I am forced to deal with more c unts than a gynecologist.
My mother suggested that I get professional help... and that's when I hired my first hooker.
Well I don't want to date anyone that's ugly, but I also don't want to date anyone that's stupid. So I'm single. 