Funny Status Messages

   Sucking on a woman's nipples helps prevent breast cancer. Make sure you know the woman, cops don't care if you were trying to save her life.

   I can always tell if it's going to be a good year based on how fat or skinny Christina Aguilera is.

   The quality of a good neighbour is not seeing them often.

   Oh honey, you're not pretty enough to be that stupid

   Bars are Weird Its the only Business that kicks you out for buying TOO much of their Product

   Its called KARMA and its pronounced "Ha ha you got served what you deserve"

   If anyone asks, I'm drinking all this wine to collect corks for a pinterest project.

   Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light'; but with twenty per cent fewer letters

   What's another word for word?

   I sympathize a lot with Darth Vader because he had so much trouble juggling career and family.

   Doctors write the prescriptions illegibly so you can't see that it says: "This one had insurance. Don't kill him."

   hates when his hand falls asleep, it usually means it's going to be up all night

   If your New Year's resolution involves less drinking, debauchery or cursing, then it involves less of me.

   just spent my Saturday watching commercials on AMC interupted by 10 minutes segments of movie..

   You're 10 years old and have a laptop, iPod and BlackBerry. Dude when I was 10 I had pokemon cards.

   If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague

   wonders what would happen if someone fell down the stairs while leaving an injury lawyers office..

   just found out there is no popcorn in popcorn chicken!!!!! I guess there is no point in eating HASH browns is there?

   Can't get over the irony that they actually serve milk at "Hooters"

   can't stop sneezing because I'm allergic to your BS....