Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi. 
a man is like a tile floor. lay him right and you can walk on him for 30 years
People disregard you when they don't want you, but they are quick to acknowledge you when they need your help.
I'll stop making excuses when other people start taking responsibility for my actions.
That split second when you are 100% sure ur gunna die after you lean to far back in ur chair
You can't be rocking the same pair of jeans for 3 straight days and claim you got SAWG.
If your parents, your boss, and three of your friends invite you to a party at a clinic its a trap
All the Auto-Tune in the world will never ever sound as cool as talking into a desk fan.
named my daughter after my mother in law. In fact Psychopathic Maniac turns 3 tomorrow
Pregnancy tests should read: You're Screwed! or Keep Screwing.
I am inventing a paint that is the same color and texture as bug guts because I don't like to wash my truck...
Anyone who thinks Megan Fox is the hottest thing ever has obviously never left Pizza Rolls in too long.
Pretty excited that the Patriots and the Giants are opening for Madonna at the Superbowl
Want to learn how to beatbox? Just say "boots and cats" over and over again. MIND = BLOWN
hey ladies, fallin' head over heels in love only happens in your 20's.. After that the best you can hope for is heels over head
We live on a world where smart people are called nerds and social outcast, and stupid people are the cool ones. And they get all the damn hot chicks.
Mondays are like sandpaper for the soul.
you know gas prices are high when they stop the NASCAR race & are waiting for the price to go down before they restart the race
swears that about a third of my life is spent trying to remember why I have entered a room.
One day, I hope to be the person my dog thinks I am. 