Funny Status Messages

   Can't get over the irony that they actually serve milk at "Hooters"

   can't stop sneezing because I'm allergic to your BS....

   they say eating fish makes you smarter, but the only ones you eat are the ones dumb enough to get caught

   says - just when you think all your ducks are in a row, someone comes along and shoots one of them

   happy and I knew it and then I clapped my hand, everyone thought I was weirdo :/

   Some people are wise, Some are just other wise.

   Attracting men is just like fishing. You just have to wiggle the bait.

   Would like to remind all my friends who also spent Valentine's day alone, St. Patricks day is only a month away... Start drinking!

   What did things taste like before there were chickens?

   Sometimes you have to go through hell to get to heaven.

   Tomorrow is the end? Then I call "SHOTGUN"!!

   Jail..the government's way of sending you to your room.

   My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."

   There's no law against sticking to your guns, but make sure you've loaded your brain before you start firing off your mouth.

   If I ever lose a hand I'm definitely replacing it with a single nunchuck on a chain

   I offend people in a nice way

   I don't think I should be held responsible for the things I say to fill awkward silences.

   BBC News: Questions being asked why bomb detecting equipment didn't detect fake bomb on board plane which flew from London to Istanbul. Erm, because it wasn't a bomb?

   Oh honey, you're not pretty enough to be that stupid

   Bars are Weird Its the only Business that kicks you out for buying TOO much of their Product