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I feel bad for kids nowadays that see a cool new toy on tv that they want, but have no way of getting, because their parents have to be 18 or older to call. 
I am attracted to those which I cannot have, and I am chased by those which I do not want.!
WELCOME TO FACEBOOK, the place where relationships are perfect, liars believe they are telling the truth, & the WORLD shows off they are living a great life; where your ENEMIES are the ones that visit your profile the most, your FRIENDS & FAMILY block you
Kim Kardashian wants her bachelorette party to be low key, just an E! camera crew and 100 black dudes dragging their sacks across her face.
if you tickle my feet I am not responsible for what happens to your face....
I've heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.
Seriously, iPhone...Stop correcting all my 'F#CK"s to "DUCK"s. It makes my Strongly-worded texts sound Cute and Adorable...
If you're tired of everyone's FB status telling you to copy and paste their status as your status, copy this and paste it as your status.
has developed his own H1N1 Vaccine consisting of: NyQuil, Tylenol-3, Vodka, Rohypnol, Benadryl, OxyContin, Spiced Rum and a hint of Lemon. ---Directions: Drink One Full Glass every hour to Remove all Care and Worry about the H1N1 virus.....
When a male octopus finds a mate, he rips off his junk and throws it at the female octopus so she can inseminate herself. Then the male grows new junk. If that isn't the most epic way to tell someone to go $*&# themselves I don't know what is.
My roommate is on a date and said he's convinced she's coming home with him tonight. I've covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
I went for a run but came back home after 2 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I'm fat and can't run for more than 2 minutes.
I remember when 69 was just a number..BJ's was just a store.. & doggy style was a way to swim.
I don't believe it's merely a coincidence the the letters in Frito Lay can be rearranged to spell "oily fart".
If you turn down the car radio, hang up the cell phone and remove you head from your ass you might just notice the emergence vehicle with it's emergency lights flashing and siren blaring trying to get a destination that's more important than yours.
Instead of knowing what the #1 song was when you were born it would be cool if it could tell you what the #1 song will be when you die. That way when you start hearing it on the radio, you'll know that the end is near.
These Days everything is really starting to Click!.......My knee's, my elbows, and the rest of my joints!!!
It's nice finding people from our past. I'm still trying to find the girl from elementary school that couldn't stop sucking her thumb.
If you don't want to know what a 67 year old man from backwoods Louisiana thinks, maybe you shouldn't ask him.
What if they keep the name Redskins, but change the mascot to a potato.... 