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Cheating on a good girl is like throwing away a daimond and picking up a rock. 
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.
I can't understand why Burger King is getting so much credit for their Whopper delivery idea when I've been providing the same free service to lonely women since 1983....Such a thankless job! ツ
The Cheshire Cat grin on Hillary's face during the debate was her surprise reaction to still being able to remain standing up for 90 minutes.
Privilege is having multiple national organizations promoting and protecting your race, all of which are subsidized by federal tax dollars.
Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
When a girl gives me a hug, my hands envy my chest.
The dentist just said I need a crown, so I jumped up and yelled, "I'm king of the dentists!" The nitrous made it funny
Im hiring a midget for a party. Any idea what they eat?
so awesome that "The Most Interesting Man in The World" is jealous.
This Girl At The Office Keeps Trying To Get Me Fired, She Keeps Saying I'm Giving Her Innapropiate Massages At The Work Place, Well I Say Goodluck Sweetheart I Don't Even Work Here
home alone and just herd a noise, he is now in ninja mode...
Out of all the fish in the sea, your the only one I want to mount..
wants you to know that Alcohol is Never the answer. Unless, of course, the question is "What is C2H5OH?"
If you try to pronounce "lmao" you sound like a French cat.
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...
I am bored .Think I will go to the mall, find a great parking spot and sit in my car with my reverse lights on .
Opened the bathroom cupboard and a bunch of my wifes feminine hygiene products fell out on me. it was a Tampede... 