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kudos to all your bra wearers out there:) 
Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.
found out that due to global warming, the oceans will rise 5 meters in 5 years.I have concluded that garry coleman will die
its so cold outside I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets
a master at mixed martial arts and crafts...
EPIC FAIL: Ripping the easy-open tab right off the last can of chef boyardee ravioli and not having a can opener to back it up."
Having a diet coke with your super-sized meal doesn't make it a ''healthy choice.''
Never do anything for money. Unless it's a lot of money. Then do anything.
Everytime I hear strangers talking to each other in foreign languages I always automatically assume they're talking sh*t.
If us guys show support for Breast Cancer Awareness... How are the girls gonna should show support for the our Testicular Cancer Awareness month!
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
Q: What do you call a Spanish man with a rubber toe? A: Roberto.
Does the Charmin commercials with the dancing cartoon bears freak anyone else out?
Does this status make my wall look big..
Well... it finally happened. I got a notice that I am being sued by Metallica for $1.3M not paying for their music... I never pirated their music... but I never bought an album either, so I guess that's the complaint.
Update on my diet....its December and so far this year I've lost 12 months!! I would like to thank the website I found that allows me to purchase Cadbury mini eggs year round!!
Sometimes you just gotta say "What is your major malfunction numb-nuts?"
Holly sh*t!! Thankfully I did not invest in the stock market. I took the $2.47 I made last week and invested it all in candy.........
I just cut a coupon for Adderall off the back of a box of Lucky Charms. 