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Because I'm stressed I've started sniffing glue. It's the only thing holding me together 
My favorite part about Facebook is how fat all the girls from high school are getting
My c**k was actually in the Guinness Book of World Records once. But it really pissed off the librarian and she kicked me out.
"Where were you,, on the night of November-to-April?" - Alaskan Prosecutor.
Son: Dad, why'd you name me Achilles? He's from greek mythology. Dad: Well son, you broke through the trojan wall.
Your sick, twisted, and rotten to the core!!!!! I like that in a person
would rather check Facebook, than face his checkbook!
just because your school can get 100,000 fans before another doesn't make it better... only thing it says is grads from your school have more free time. maybe because the other school's grads are at work while you're at home stalking people on facebook.
Smith & Wesson - The first point-and-click interface?
It's strap-on fat...and I can take it off anytime I want to!
Irony: a fat guy at walmart getting his blood pressure checked with two big bags of doritos in his other hand:D
Be rude to a bully and he'll beat you up, be rude to a geek and your computer will never forgive you.
I suggest you don't wear orange in october if you're a little on the chunky side.
internet is the only place where men are men, women are men, and 13 years old girls are FBI agents.
wonders why hedgehogs don't just share the hedge...
used to be a lifeguard, but some blue kid got her fired.
spends 90% of his salary on booze and women... the rest I just waste
Just read that Facebook has reached 500 million users. Congrats to everyone who helped create history's largest stalker.
the reason why facebook created the "LIKE" Button
Look up the word "idiot" in the dictionary and you know what you'll find? The definition of idiot, you idiot. 