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My house would be a lot more vacant if I could communicate in Roach & Spider language. 
Drunk love is better than crazy love.
Why is it all the good ones are taken? Or have taken out restraining orders?
Women should support other women, not cut them down. Unless she really is a b!tch, then carry on ladies.
i've been looking for the key to happiness....apparently it isnt on my keyboard or my phone
Personally,,,,,, I'm giving up my belly button and the space between my toes..... For lint
Of all the people I don't love, I don't love you the most.
Since they never showed Cheetara licking her a sshole, I highly doubt she was 100% Thundercat.
I bet Alicia Keys was never even on Fire. Lying Heifer.
Are headaches the result of time spent with woman or is it purely a coincidence?
Squirrels are just rats who blow dry their tails.
I know alcohol is never the answer, but it's always my best guess
the older you get, the better the binge...
11.Tonight on ABC starting at 10: Fasten your seat belts as the dynamic Ryan Seacrest spends two hours telling us what time it is!
Lol here come all the brand new Redskins fans
No, I don't remember why I don't like you but what does that have to do with anything?
At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet. At the touch of beer, everyone becomes a superhero.
can we all agree this fake moustache thing has gone on long enough??
Just saw an ad that read: "Fluffer wanted for movie set". They must have a lot of pillows, huh? Well, I sent my resume in, wish me luck!
New Orleans hasn't lost this much power since hurricane Katrina 