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Hates it when I can't tell if it's a man or woman smiling at me. I don't know whether to smile back or run!! 
does Rosetta Stone have a version that teaches you English??
if only super glue worked on ANYTHING as well as gluing it's own cap on........
Thinks given the choice between Parkinson's and Alzheimer's, I would prefer Parkinson's. I would rather spill a little beer rather than forget where I put it.
The healthiest part of a donut is the hole. Unfortunately you have to eat through the rest of the donut to get there ..
pretty sure I just ate a record setting amount of Rice Krispies!
If you ask me "Is it snowing OUTSIDE?" prepare to get a sarcastic response.
hopes that the recent actions of Muhamed-Bob Flare Pants doesn't necessitate Homeland Security from implementing undergarment removal at airport security checkpoints
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
I think this dude was hitting on me while I was playing basketball today. He runs over to me, smacks me on the a$$ and says, "Nice shot bro!" Which wouldn't be so bad but I hadn't even put my shoes on yet let alone taken a shot.
•Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
How can I explain Your love And how it turns my world up side down
in need of an ego boost. Maybe she'll take one of those "English as Second Language" courses and really take a moment to shine.
Regarding the show CAKE BOSS: How FAT of a country have we become that CAKE is the star of a hit show?
I wonder if tennis ballboys brag about their "gets" to each other. "You see that? I grabbed the $hit out of that ball! School's in session, boys. I am lightning!"
I've heard that the Eskimos have over 80 words to describe snow. Hell, they should get jobs in the Lipstick Color Naming Department at Revlon
no retreat no surrender no compromise no going back
you'll always be my hero. even though you've lost your mind
People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road and the back of the church.
The hot nurse wants to take a blood sample. If I can get some back into my veins, I'll oblige her. 