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Captains log,Stardate 3.1415926535 I seem to have a strange urge for Pie today 
$3.88 until my Visa is maxed out. I'm struggling between the #4 at Burger King or shampoo.
It's not that I'm immature, it's just that you started it.
I hate it when someone text me to call them, then when you call they never answer
Okay... If we get caught, pretend we don't speak English!
confused.His left part of his brain has nothing right in it and the right part of his brain has nothing left in it
I wonder if the CEO of Classmates.com cries every time he sees the word "Facebook."
When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.
When two meth addicts go out, is it considered speed dating?
My 2011 New Years Resolution is to hangout with more than 2 of my facebook friends.
you never realize how annoying people are until you add them on facebook :)
wants to know how MTV can have the VMA's? They don't even play videos anymore!
If you can read this, chances are you won't be recieving a gift from me this Christmas. Happy Holidays!
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Wyclef Jean is running for President of Haiti. He should pledge to make Lauryn Hill his Secretary of Miseducation.
Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window
I wish James J. Lee had watched CNN News instead of the Discovery channel.
If I come into work really early, each time I say "Hi" to whoever is there all I'm really doing is gathering witnesses to justify my early departure.
In college I was the Brett Favre of retiring from drinking.
I wasn't going to let my son sign up for soccer, then I remembered something very important... "Soccer Mom's". 