Funny Status Messages

   I flashed my full set of teeth at Walmart earlier this morning & I'm still here signing autographs and posing for pictures

   Winning the game using deflated balls? Is this the NFL or the Tour De France?

   Day 12.. I haven't eaten apple in a week,, the doctors are slowly getting thru the barricade, I won't last very long, tell my family I love em

   i better have a baby soon before my Mom gets too old to raise it for me

   That psychic was terrible. She didn't even know I was going to run out without paying!

   A man basically goes through three phases in his life... He believes in Santa Claus...He doesn't believe in Santa Claus...He is Santa Claus.

   I'm excited for Christmas. What other time of the year can you sit around a dead tree and eat candy out of socks?

   Drag racing would be a lot more fun if I didn't have to wear a dress.

   Just when you think you got the answer...someone changes the question.

   Put a diaper on that mouth cuz you talk a lot of crap...

   When I was at school I belonged to a gang called The Secret Seven and we were sworn to secrecy. We were so good that I never found out who the other six were.

   I hate it when you are driving on the freeway and someone cuts in front of you so you flip them off, only to have them put their hand up in a gesture of "thanks".

   can't seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.

   As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...

   n't it amazing how the sound of one persons voice can ruin your whole day at work.

   They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.

   WHY DO OLD PEOPLE DRIVE LIKE THEY GOT ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD, BUT YOUNG PEOPLE DRIVE LIKE THEIR DAYS ARE LIMITED....?

   If you're not supposed to abuse cough syrup then why does it come with a little plastic shot glass?

   If history repeats itself, I'm totally getting a dinosaur.

   just stopped at Radio Shack to get something and the kid behind the counter asked me for my phone number and zip code. I told him 867-5309 and zip 90210. He never even questioned it.