Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Don't forget to cut me off so you can be the first person to the red light.
←Rate | 09-23-2015 22:52 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon When attacked by a bear, play dead. Make his meal less stressful. It's not all about you.
←Rate | 06-27-2014 14:15 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon can operate a robot on another planet, but yet I'm still struggling to get this vending machine to take my wrinkled dollar.
←Rate | 09-15-2013 07:32 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to the customer service, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.
←Rate | 10-19-2013 09:57 by griff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I'm typing this with my middle finger.
←Rate | 10-27-2010 09:12 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Pringles, Now that I am no longer a child, I cannot fit my hand inside your tube of deliciousness. Work on that.
←Rate | 09-05-2009 08:25 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yeah I'm married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT'S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
←Rate | 02-07-2013 11:09 by snotty Comments (3)  


   messageicon What if we CAN breathe in space and they just don't want us to escape?
←Rate | 06-05-2011 15:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon FACEBOOK is the second most popular word that starts with "F" and ends with "K" ; )
←Rate | 03-04-2011 01:50 by RoN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kids complaining they didn't get an iPhone for Christmas or got one in the wrong color is exactly why other countries hate us.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 16:39 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon If someday we all go to prison for downloading music, I just hope they split us up by the music genre.
←Rate | 01-28-2012 17:28 by Livelife Comments (0)  


   messageicon ~• << Picture of me when I was younger.
←Rate | 12-03-2011 19:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it’s mostly grapes actually. Okay, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I’m having wine for dinner.
←Rate | 01-27-2013 19:14 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Currently helping my girlfriend look for her chocolates that I ate 5 hours ago...
←Rate | 08-07-2013 14:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon TIP: If you've forgotten your Bluetooth headset, wearing sunglasses indoors is an equally effective douchebag indicator.
←Rate | 05-13-2010 10:57 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
←Rate | 11-08-2010 00:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Winnie the Pooh was based on psychological problems. Winnie has an eating disorder. Piglet suffers from anxiety.Eeyore has major depression. Tigger has ADHD.Rabbit has OCD. & Christopher Robin must be a drug addict if his stuffed animals talk to him
←Rate | 11-21-2010 16:45 by Dita Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when I get some Taco Bell and somebody tells me that Taco Bell isn't "real" Mexican food. I didn't get Taco Bell because I wanted authentic Mexican cuisine. I got Taco Bell because I'm poor and I like Chalupas.
←Rate | 11-15-2010 17:48 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green..
←Rate | 10-02-2010 18:51 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Always keep several Get Well cards on the mantel. If unexpected guests arrive, they'll think you've been sick and unable to clean.
←Rate | 03-01-2011 20:19 by scottyp Comments (0)  



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