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That's some really cute pink camoflauge. Do you hunt in the Lolipop Woods or the Peppermint Forest? 
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
People will stop talking to you if you challenge them to a rap duel.
"Welcome to my man cave". Proctologist: "Please stop calling it that"
I hope in my next life I come back as a dog so my pills will be wrapped in cheese
There are 3 types of people: 1. Dog people 2. Cat people 3. Clean house people
I bet Dog heaven and Squirrel hell are the same place
In the next Mad Max movie instead of fighting over gasoline they should be fighting over toilet paper.
Coronavirus won't last long, it was made in China.
Bars are opening but patrons are wearing masks. It is the era for ugly people with nice bodies to get laid.
Luckily "Smoking in the Boys Room" was released in 1973. If it was released today, it'd be called "Vaping in the Gender Neutral Area"
Seattle raised the min wage to 15 a hour. Report out this week for the 1st period. Min wage workers now work 12 hours less and make 1500 less a month.
I used to have this device to help me find wild mushrooms but I misplaced it. You might say I lost my morel compass.
I can’t walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol.
Some girl just asked me if she's wearing too much make-up. I told her that depends on whether she's trying to kill Batman or not.
The mainstream media: Covers up vast conspiracies?... Rigs national elections?... Has mind control powers?... Can't convince people to pay $29.99 for cable
I just had a Hebrew National Hotdog. It's like a normal hotdog, but with the skin at the end cut off.
My wife and I have doggie style sex. I sit up and beg for it. And she rolls over and plays dead.
I misunderstood the nighborhood MILF when she told me she was heading to the polls. I didn't see her grinding at the strip club.
Love is like a rubberband. We keep pulling, someone lets go and the one who held on gets hurt 