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   messageicon Disney's now letting its theme park employees grow beards. I don't know... I think some kids might get freaked out by Snow White's new goatee.
←Rate | 04-10-2012 08:41 by @iJokes_ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I could go back in time so I could remember where I was going with this update
←Rate | 06-10-2012 19:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you always have to be right, then that's the first thing wrong with you.
←Rate | 06-17-2011 17:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Spring makes every day feel like you're stuck in the office on a Friday afternoon.
←Rate | 04-12-2011 22:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope tonight's the night when we'll finally see a presidential candidate make the jerk-off motion while the other candidate is speaking.
←Rate | 09-26-2016 14:39 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon 33% of married women say their pet is a better listener than their husbands... 67% of pets say this crazy lady won't shut the hell up...
←Rate | 04-30-2010 09:51 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Came home Friday with flowers for the missus. When I handed them to her she replied, "Great. Now I have to spend all weekend on my back with my legs in the air." Obviously confused I asked, "Why? Don't we have any vases?
←Rate | 04-23-2011 08:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hitch hikers don't find it as amusing as I do when I give them the thumbs up as I drive by.
←Rate | 09-30-2009 23:01 by Brantly Comments (0)  


   messageicon if I had a time machine I would stop O.J. Simpson from killing those people then nobody would know what a Kardashian is
←Rate | 05-17-2012 22:04 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank you guys for the birthday wishes. And thank you Facebook for reminding them.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:09 by MBH Comments (3)  


   messageicon Okay, can someone please invent the opposite of a microwave. I need my beer cold, now. And no, the freezer is not fast enough.
←Rate | 09-15-2010 21:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you water your lawn and wash your car in the rain, smiling and waving as you do it, your neighbors will leave you alone.
←Rate | 09-17-2010 19:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Terrorist, I don't get why you kill people in the name of God. If God wanted to take someone's life, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be asking for your help.
←Rate | 05-04-2010 13:14 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon I tried cooking with wine for the first time last night ...After 5 glasses I forgot why I was in the kitchen.
←Rate | 11-15-2012 14:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I predict Peppermint Patty invites herself and her friends over to Charlie Brown's for Thanksgiving again this year
←Rate | 11-23-2011 13:29 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon It takes police too long to respond to 911 calls. If I get robbed I'm ordering Chinese food and asking them to bring a gun.
←Rate | 01-28-2011 14:10 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people.
←Rate | 07-11-2011 18:48 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna' be a great day.
←Rate | 03-31-2010 12:17 by Shamus Comments (0)  


   messageicon I puked in the backseat of my friend's brand new Mustang in the Fall of 1989. There wasn't any social networking back then, so I'm telling you now...
←Rate | 04-01-2013 15:06 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone's computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
←Rate | 03-31-2013 14:33 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  



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