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Joser Funny Status Messages
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Page: 20 of 41
These are my Hammer pants; you can't touch them.
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05-28-2010 11:48 by
Joser
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Frankly, 'm surprised BP hasn't called Tiger Woods, given his expertise in filling golf holes
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05-28-2010 11:48 by
Joser
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I've never tipped a cow. Then again, one has never served me food.
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05-28-2010 11:47 by
Joser
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WHEW! I just had a near-work experience...
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05-28-2010 11:45 by
Joser
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When the forecast mentions isolated thunderstorms, I always think, "Why so emo, thunderstorm?"
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05-27-2010 18:13 by
Joser
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The happiest sentence, ruined by one word: I'm getting laid. Off.
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05-27-2010 18:13 by
Joser
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I like to hit snooze a couple of times before I wake up, but my girlfriend likes to hit me a couple of times until I wake up.
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05-27-2010 13:41 by
Joser
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I have the same body I've always had. Adjusted for inflation, of course...
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05-27-2010 13:40 by
Joser
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Collecting my thoughts... I almost have a whole set!
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05-27-2010 13:39 by
Joser
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Apparently when the interviewer asks if you speak any other languages, the appropriate response is NOT "Innuendo" followed by a saucy wink.
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05-27-2010 13:19 by
Joser
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Here I sit, all broken hearted. Had to sh*t, but only farted. Till one day, I took a chance. Tried to fart, and sh*t my pants
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05-27-2010 13:18 by
Joser
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1
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Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
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05-26-2010 19:45 by
Joser
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Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
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05-26-2010 19:44 by
Joser
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Don't worry I won't tell anyone.. and if I do, I'll tell them not to tell anyone.
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05-26-2010 19:43 by
Joser
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A cop pulls a guy over for weaving in traffic. He walks up to the driver's window and asks, "You drinkin?" The driver says, "You buyin?"
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05-26-2010 19:42 by
Joser
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Ed Hardy makes condoms now? Fine by me. I think we can all agree that anybody who buys one probably shouldn't breed.
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05-26-2010 14:23 by
Joser
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No you must have misheard. I said that the job was "below me".
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05-26-2010 14:22 by
joser
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Either she's wearing last night's clothes or she had alcohol and shame for breakfast.
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05-26-2010 14:21 by
Joser
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Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line???
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05-25-2010 18:30 by
Joser
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I took my dog for a walk and played Frisbee with him, but he was useless. I really need to get a flatter dog.
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05-25-2010 18:30 by
Joser
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