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want's your boobs to stop staring at his eyes. 
would so do Lois Griffin from family guy.
went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but couldn't find any
Society is never going to make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other.
Never entrust your life to a surgeon who has more than two band -aids on his fingers
Actually it only takes me 1 drink to get drunk. The trouble is I can't remember if it's the 14th or 15th.
if you can't beat them, let them join you. THEN beat them.
I think I have a combination of Alzheimer's and ADD. I can't remember what I wasn't focusing on
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
My life is proof that you can party as a profession.
that the word "studying" comes from the words "students dying".
You know it's awkward when your dad sends friend requests to all your friends.
the best part of baking is licking the bowl.
Love is a fire... But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.
When some one says "wait for it".....as a comedic device. Its even funnier to just drop kick them in the balls real fast. I like this!
Why does the disclaimer narrater for prescription drugs always sound so happy about all the side effects?
NFL Update: Favre Reports Stiffness.
a supporter of the Rent Is Too Damn High Party"!
would describe himself in 3 words........moody,annoying,awesome......(the first 2 are what my wife said when I asked her).
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time you need them, chances are you won't be needing them again. 