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So with this Malaysian Airliner thing, I'm leaning towards the Abducted by Aliens theory. 
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
There's a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
If you can moonwalk out of a police station without bumping into anything they have to drop all charges.
Nothing's says I'm guilty of every crime imaginable quite like using your blinker to pull into your driveway...
he let me duct tape his mouth because I said it was my fetish, I really just wanted him to shut up
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Spiders are "just bugs"? Oh then I guess king kong is "just a monkey" huh pal? You kill it!!!!
Has been lonely lately so I just made an appointment for my annual physical and prostate exam
Our children are really going to think we're old when they find out that we were born "before the Internet."
If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable...you disconnect yourself from what you truly want...and all that is left is a compromise...
Facebook: making people think we really know their birth date
Iphone has just patented anti sexting software..brett favre your going to want to get a DROID
finds it ironic how people 'like' pages that start with "I hate..."
If someone calls me fat, I don't get angry. I just turn the other chin.
peer preasure wont work I will not try your the automatic friend frinder facebook
So Lebron is going to take mental notes on everyone who's been taking shots at him this summer... I mean, if it was actual notes, with like a pen and paper, I might be scared! but since it's mental notes... nothing to worry about!
I've started keeping two lists: "To do" and "Too late"
I like to think that when you die, you get to see your stats and high scores like at the end of a video game.
New Year's Eve: Where old acquaintance be forgot...Unless, of course, those tests come back positive! 