Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Tonight's the night ... You can tell because the sun's gone down! 
Shout out to all the women who use their brains to get what they want. Put your pu ssy away Miss, its not a currency.
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I'm not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
I am now convinced that the homeless people have all of the shopping carts that do not have the wobbly wheels.
I shake my head at people's stupidity so often that no one will even notice if I get Parkinson's.
So I Went to pick up my date for homecoming, Her father said make sure she is home and in bed before 11PM, I Said " Don't worry Sir, I'll have her in bed by 830" :D
This is actually Kanye West's second marriage, as he's been divorced from reality for many years now.
Attention burglars: We may or may not be home. Or maybe we are hunters, waiting for you to get closer for a kill shot
Mentally I am ready for Christmas, financially I am not ready for Christmas.
whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I’m done paying for studio time
I'm so exhausted from my French self-defense course.... :/ I've never had to run this fast, so far in all my life!
I'd be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
Last night while having pasta, the lid to the parmesan cheese came off and way too much parmesan cheese spilled onto the plate. I learned an invaluable life lesson from this experience. There is no such thing as "way too much parmesan cheese".
Women with horses are just crazy cat ladies, but richer.
The current Facebook dilema: How long until I can remove my rainbow filter avi without looking like a homophobe?
Honestly, all I want is a girl who doesn't have twerk videos on her FB page.
Go on Christian Mingle ONE TIME, and they have to perform an exorcism on the whole site?
Well apparently the Tiger Blood that Charlie Sheen has running through his vains came from the same hooker that Magic Johnson was boning.
Unsubscribing to emails requires three or more clicks,, So I'm just going to keep deleting them for the rest of my life.
I'm fortunate that anger and nicotine have zero calories. 