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Guys that try to pick up girls on facebook are pathetic. Girls if you agree, message me your number so we can talk about it. 
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once Id like to see a drug commercial that says, May cause extreme awesomeness.
Sometimes, when I am bored I like to recreate "Hungry Hungry Hippos" by going to Weight Watchers and rolling meatballs across the floor.
I just posted my suicide note on Facebook. It already has 120 likes.
According to a new survey, 40% of adults in Mexico say they would move to the United States if they got a chance. The number would have been higher, but the other 60% already live here.
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark
...My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Happy Birthday Sasha Obama! For her birthday, her daddy gave her Justin Bieber's phone records.
The NFL post game show is the male version of The View.
I wonder if children who stutter are the result of pregnant women using vibrators.
Join the fight against high heating cost by supporting your local heating assistance program. Change your profile pic to a pic of your cold nipples and together we can stop the winter cold. The goal is to turn fb into all nipples by Dec 21st.
You know you're gay when you bend over and see four balls.
Whenever I see someone driving a Kia, I give them lots of room as I can tell they make poor decisions…
"Fart" is such a crude word. I prefer "Song of the South."
2011: You mad bro? 1800: Art thou angered brethren?
M̸o̸n̸, T̸u̸e̸s̸, W̸e̸d̸, T̸h̸u̸r̸s̸, Friday !!!!
asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn't that what M.O.M stands for?"
I keep playing my Highway to Hell cd over and over. I think I have OCDC.
My friends vasectomy did not keep his wife from getting pregnant apparently it just changed the color of the baby...
Here's an idea for Christmas; Give children batteries with a note saying toys not included!!! lol 