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I sometimes go to my own little world, but that's okay, they know me there. 
if meat is murder, I will have my murder medium rare done please...
probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
thinks that the reason I find FB so appealing is because it reassures me that I am not the only one that is not normal.
A word to the wise ain't necessary. It's the stupid ones who need the advice...
Heavy, stationary objects keep running into my bare feet...How many times do I have to stub my toes before these things learn to get out of my way?
I have had it with Jimmy Crackcorn and his blatant apathy!
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
They say sex cures everything, but this broken foot isn't getting any better.
I miss the days when if a person took a billion pictures of their own face, they would end up being institutionalized.
Either I need to up my dosage or my income.
oh the good ole days when music videos were the same length as the actual song
I shot out of bed last night with the awful realization that Charlie Tuna was a tunafish that loved the idea of people eating tunafish
Subway always charges more than 5 bucks for their foot longs, bout time the FEDs do something about that.
When my mother calls with a computer problem, I tell her to try shutting it off and turning it back on in 6 months.
Every time a tortilla chip breaks off or falls into the queso, I feel like I'm performing a rescue at sea on The Deadliest Catch.
Every musical should have a minor character that's aware of all the music and dancing and is visibly terrified.
It's like grandma always said, "Buy a selfie stick and you're out of my will."
My neighbor told me he childproofed his house. And the very next day his wife came home with a newborn... Worst... Childproofer... Ever.
Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart. 